Things I forget to do to keep sane.
After being in therapy over a year, I learned what I must do mentaly to keep from being depressed. I always look at the negative of things. I was supposed to
stop doing that, but old habits die hard. After a year of therapy the company I work for decided to go the cheap route and change health insurance on
me. After that I had to stop seeing my therapist due to him not being in network and I can't pay 200 bucks a visit.
That was half a year ago. Today I have forgotten all that I was tought to combat my depression problems. I was placed on effexor to help with it, and
I still continue to take it, but it's not a cure all I still have to fight my self about feeling bad. After a while I had 0 problems life was good, then things started
happning fast and I went from happy to depressed in record time. With no one to talk to about my problems and feeling that if I did talk people would
only view that as complaining, I started down the all well known path downward. A few things happened massivly at the start of this month. And I forgot
what to do when I feel bad. I continued to feed of the feeling for a month untill I said something about my life being bad to a co-worker. He reminded me
in a round about way that I had forgotten what I needed to do. I needed to start back slowly and fight the impulse to feed off the depression. Today I'm
still fighting. It's hard to think positive about something. It also hard to think I do good work. I am a developer for the State of Tennessee. I had
written a website called TNPAWS to allow employers to enter thier employees wages online every quarter. Since the site went live I have been bombarded
with things I have had to fix in order to get the site working. All this accumalated in to feeling that I have did bad work. In reality 15,000 empoyers have
used the site and %1 had problems (about 50 total). So I should be happy with the results, but I only see the negative and the failure. *fights with self more*